if whiskey turns to honesty...

here i am.
me,
just me.
 it's funny how things change/evolve/mold/whatever. if i were a better person, where would i be? it's a harsh question that i ask myself often. a question we should all ask ourselves often.
the answer? i'd still be here.

the truth is there is no way to make such assumptions and we really never should. it just brings worry and stress and depression. i do however believe in fate or destiny or whatever the fuck the kids are calling it these days. words transcend as i plot my next sentence.

if you're like me you analyze all things. when i say all things i'm not speaking figuratively. i mean ALL things.

if i'm being absolutely honest with myself. (not honest with you, but with myself) this change? this evolution? this mold? this whatever? is hard to accept. it's hard to embrace on so many levels.. i blame the past for this.
i blame memories.
to say that, is to say, i blame myself for the inability to let go.
to move on.
we hold tight to these memories of a time that seemed so simple. a time that was so long ago that we only remember how good it was.

listen.
as your tea is steeping and you're grasping at the moments that seem to fade just as fast as they surface. think about something.. think about where you are now. think about the people that you have allowed into the house of you. is it good? is this one of those times you're going to think about years from now and wish you could go back to? if it is then don't take it for granted. don't treat it as if it will only be a memory you wish to hold on to.

live it. live every moment of it.