as soon as the wind

i wake up sometimes in a cold sweat, breathing hard and throwing punches. heart beating so fast it's hard to pull my head off the pillow..  i see your face and the night takes me away to a garden. a garden of lavender and patchouli. smells fill the air like oxygen fills my lungs when i try and speak your name. it is you that i seek on these lonely nights. it is you that i throw punches to get to..

the sounds are thick around my head as i fall into the room. i wrap my hands around my ears but the waves cannot be blocked. i scream out for a new heart. mine no longer beats correctly..it's timing is off and it mustn't be trusted. even as you draw near, the sound is too much, i fall even closer to the ground and now my eyes are burning.

i stand only to see a room. a room that's poorly lit and has no place to sit but has all of the answers..i walk into the room and my breathe is lost in a spiral of intense heart beats. my body shakes and i once again find myself on the floor.                      FUCK YOU i cry.       fuck you i whisper. before realizing i'm still in bed. i look to my left and i see..nothing.