at some point i have to forgive and allow myself to feel

it's the steady rocking of emotion that keeps me afloat and without it i will sink to the bottom with no reason to ever return. with that said it is also easy for me to display no emotion even with all of them raging inside of me like the worlds largest self contained inferno.

anger
love
sadness
happiness

it's all the same really. it's hard for me to differentiate between them at times because i feel them all at once. where is my balance? where do i seek solace in such a perplexing moment in my life? my best friend(s)? my new love? my mom?... yes but no. you see, in this time of towering blaze, i cannot reach out to anyone because everyone is a target. everyone would get burned and no one would survive. it's best to let the flames settle to a tender pyre. close my eyes and melt into what could be a therapeutic moment of great proportion.

i am angry
i do love
i am sad
and i am...happy

                       for the first time in a long time.